I sometimes peruse the online personals, looking for God knows what. Most women, when describing what they want in a mate, invariably include three words mixed in with all the other gobbledygook. The meanings of these words in context would seem obvious to most people. When I think about it, however, I believe we as a society use these words to serve our purpose, while possessing almost no clear idea about what the words actually mean. I must admit, if you ask me to define any of the three, I draw a total blank.

Love is the most used yet misunderstood word in our language. You can love your cat, but is that the same as loving your parents or making love to your mate? When I was a kid, my parents told me they spanked me because they loved me. They told me this only when I was being “good.” While I was being spanked, I felt like the object of their hate. I was everything that went wrong with their day, their life. Not that I oppose corporal punishment. Pain teaches when words and threats fall short. It might even be a form of love.

Another form of love says that, “Unless you’re tall, have all your teeth and hair, and don’t smoke, you’re unlovable to me. But that’s OK, because somewhere out there, there’s a short, bald, and toothless smoker who would be just what you need.” What’s worse, this society promotes the idea that unless you have a significant other, you’re somehow lacking. The word “love” is in almost every song on the radio, and is at least hinted at in almost every television show and movie. This makes “love” not only a good thing to have, but a necessity we can’t live without.

My parents also told me that Jesus loved me in ways I could never understand. Why, he loved me so much that if I didn’t live my life as the Bible taught, he would lock me in this fiery, dark place with every evil creature imaginable. Forever. My parents were right. I never understood.

While the core teachings of all religions embrace love and tolerance, one must look closely to find these in today’s religions. We fight more wars over religion than any other reason. Maybe I’m blind, but I see no love in the act of war.

When singing about honesty, Billy Joel said, “If you look for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind.” While we all pride ourselves on our sense of honesty, we really only want to tell and hear the truth when it’s comfortable and convenient.

Take the example of the woman asking her man if he thinks her butt’s too big. If he says yes, not only does he hurt the feelings of the one he “loves,” he also assures that his life will be difficult for a week or two. Lying keeps both of them comfortable.

Our role models and leaders lie regularly, and we know it. They need our support, or at least our complacency, and sometimes being honest just won’t do the job. For instance, imagine the president saying:

“We may be hitting peak oil these days, and we need a military presence in the Middle East. I’ve decided, therefore, to invade Iraq, Afghanistan, and maybe some other nations in the region to insure our status in the world. We will overthrow the existing governments and put in power only those individuals we can be assured will be friendly to American interests. I cannot guarantee how long this mission will last, nor can I estimate how many American lives will be lost.”

Would you be willing to fight and possibly die in the desert to insure our status in the world? I wouldn’t. The powers that be know this. Americans aren’t moved by intellectual arguments, but by emotion. Tell us that Saddam has WMD’s and we’ll all wanna go kill some ragheads.

The whole truth can seldom be used as a weapon, because it has many sides. To use it as such, one must add colors and flavors, intonations and gestures. Without these, the user of the weapon would sustain as much injury as his target. Since everyone, it seems, has an agenda, the truth itself is usually lightly touched upon. Do we really know what we’re asking for when we ask someone to be honest?

Nobody wants to be with someone they consider stupid. I must admit, however, if I were to date a nuclear physicist I’d be intimidated as hell. The question must be then, do I really want to be with an intelligent individual, or just somebody slightly more/less intelligent than myself?

Americans in general do not place intellect high on their list of values. For an example I point to the most recent Presidential debates. I’ve never seen a more inarticulate individual speaking in public, let alone as a Presidential candidate. Yet, this veritable moron won the election. We don’t want intelligent, we want congenial. We want to feel safe, and we don’t care about the details. Just tell us you’ll keep us safe, and we’ll “love” you.

So what does it mean when a woman writing a personal ad asks for a man who’s loving, honest, and intelligent? I’ve honestly not a clue.