I heard an entomologist on the radio today talking about cicadas. The kind that only comes around every 17 years. Their whole mating thing fascinated me, as I believe parallels may be drawn between cicada romance and human love.

Cicadas: Males make a loud chirping noise with their wings. When a female who finds him suitable comes along, they do it. He then seals her, using a cicadic chastity belt so no other male may fertilize her eggs. He never sees her again. Call him the breeze. He then leaves to make more noise with his wings, to fertilize more eggs. What a guy.

Humans: Males make loud noises with car stereos, if mobile, with voices if not. Most of the time this noisemaking will be all the female needs, and they do it.

Sometimes, however, the male needs to show the female his acquired possessions before the mating begins. (This is usually only a formality, however, for if a male is loud enough, most females will not be able to resist.) Once the female is satisfied with the male’s possessions and has determined that he is loud enough, they do it. They then depart to their separate abodes.

This is where the similarities end.

While the same sexual tendencies afflict both the human and cicada males, humans tend to suppress these. Involuntarily, for the most part. Society subtly enforces this suppression using guilt and shame. After thousands of years, we accept this as the norm.

With the exception of geese, no creature on this planet is monogamous. Humans, however, try to set ourselves above nature, to deny our impulses. Impulses, it might be added, that have insured the survival of our species. Society ingrains in our minds that the feeling men get when we see a hot blonde with big boobs is wrong, dirty, and uncivilized.

The concept of monogamy, in addition to being unnatural, is unrealistic. One look at the divorce rate in this country proves that. Infidelity is commonplace. When a man cheats on his wife, he is usually regarded as weak, sometimes evil. That he is acting on his natural urges is seldom mentioned.

It’s not expected that many women will understand. It must be remembered that a man usually produces billions of sperm cells EVERY DAY, while a woman produces only one or two eggs a month. Do the math.

Monogamy suits most women’s need just fine. In earlier times, women needed men they could trust. Men, being the physically stronger of the two sexes, could protect them from the dangers of the uncivilized world. Men could also provide them with food and shelter. Women lured their men by keeping a comfortable home. It worked for a while.

Not anymore. Millions of humans in close contact every day makes life incredibly difficult for a man trying to be faithful to one woman. According to AMOD, an estimated 97% of all married men, if convinced they would not get caught, would have sex with a woman other than their spouse. The figure for women is much lower, but growing.

Yes, there are men out there who wouldn’t dream of seriously considering having sex outside of their marriage. They usually fit in to 3 categories:

a.) Noble. Very much in love. Passionate. No other woman on this planet but his wife. Seldom even looks at other women.
b.) Unmotivated. Has other interests. Maybe a workaholic. Seldom even notices his wife. Probably traditional or religious.
c.) Has hidden gay tendencies. Unsure of his sexuality. Usually a marriage of convenience, to take attention off his feminine demeanor.

So, how did monogamy and fidelity earn positions of such importance? One word. Religion. Some guy in a cave a few thousand years ago wrote that a man should take only one wife until he died. Never mind that this man probably saw less than 5 women his entire life. To bible thumpers, this was eternal truth, and must be followed to the letter. To save all of humanity from damnation, they imposed their views on the rest of us. Sweet chaps.

Continued denial of natural impulses can create imbalance, illness, and even crime. Sex crimes, in particular are on the increase. Isn’t it ironic that a nation claiming to be a “Christian Nation” has such a high incidence of child rape by priests? The very people who preach monogamy and tear up birth control and homosexuality are sodomizing little boys. Bastards.

Granted, humans are considerably more complex than cicadas. The simplest aspects of nature can teach us so much, though. And even if they are simple creatures, instinctively following their genetic programming, some things are certain:

a.) The males don’t physically, sexually, or emotionally abuse the females.
b.) The cicadian divorce rate is nil.
c.) Cicadian husbands don’t cheat on their wives.
d.) The Church of Cicadia doesn’t preach something, and do the opposite.
e.) Cicadian priests don’t sodomize their young.